First World Feminism

What A Feminist Looks Like

Thu, 29 Jul 2010 16:05:00 -0400

Shelby Knox is the brazen 23 year-old who has been speaking out for comprehensive sex education since she was 15 and living in the ultra-conservative, deeply-religious town of Lubbock, TX. She is the star of the award-winning documentary “The Education of Shelby Knox,” and travels the country promoting sex education, women’s rights, and youth empowerment. In our podcast, Shelby and I talk about growing up in socially disparate American cities and speculate as to what makes a person a feminist.

Listen to the podcast

"I wonder if the snow wants to be black If the soil thinks she’s too dark If butterflies want..."

Thu, 29 Jul 2010 01:27:00 -0400

“I wonder if the snow wants to be black
If the soil thinks she’s too dark
If butterflies want to cover up their marks
-”

- “Being Human” by Naima of Climbing Poetree

Via Cindy Gallop via Lena Potapova

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 03:17:36 -0400

Via Cindy Gallop via Lena Potapova

Miranda July’s “Eleven Heavy Things” exhibit...

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 17:17:06 -0400

Miranda July’s “Eleven Heavy Things” exhibit in Union Square Park.

Parenting: Joy or Horror?

Sun, 25 Jul 2010 14:15:00 -0400

I read the New York Magazine issue with the cover story “I love my children. I hate my life,” accompanied by a photo of a sad looking woman holding a baby, but I didn’t give it too much thought.

The parents were surveyed in the thick of parenting. If you survey anyone in the thick of anything enriching (finals during college, standing in line for security in order to travel, even falling in love) they’re likely to say that it sucks. But in retrospect these are the most life-affirming and identity-forming experiences.

One guy in the article remembers watching TV in bed with his sick family. At the time it was miserable, but looking back it was one of his happiest memories.

I’m not saying everyone should have children, I’m just saying that every experience should be judged in its entirety. Including parenting.

My friends and I emailed about this article and had some debate over the line:

“Should you value moment-to-moment happiness more than retrospective evaluations of your life?”

My friend D: “If you’re not primarily living in the now – every now – then you’re not really living. And arguably that moment-to-moment happiness sums up to greater overall happiness than simply generating happiness from past memories that may not have been happy in the moment.”

Me: “If we only cared about moment to moment happiness we would all be beach bums with no long term goals or aspirations. If we only cared about retrospect we would probably never find happiness in the day to day, and essentially always be unhappy.”

My friend C: “In the moment reflection isn’t always accurate.”

We didn’t reach any firm conclusions.

Rebecca Martinez’s “Beauty Challenged” exhibit...

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 15:18:00 -0400

Rebecca Martinez’s “Beauty Challenged” exhibit at Bergdorf Goodman, which ended last week. The complete portfolio can be viewed here.

Guyland

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 17:15:00 -0400

Last week, Shelby Knox, the brazen 23 year-old who has been speaking out for comprehensive sex education since she was 15, moderated a Paradigm Shift talk with world renowned Gender Studies scholar Dr. Michael Kimmel. Dr. Kimmel is a feminist consultant for Mad Men and the author of Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men. Every word of the talk was illuminating. Seriously. It was one of the best talks I’ve ever been to. Here are 10 things I left thinking about:

1. Women’s entry into the workforce is not seen as gender equality, it’s seen as a threat or an invasion of men’s territory. Take for example the cover story, “The End of Men” in this month’s The Atlantic. The very phrasing implies that strides made by women will render men obsolete. As Kimmel said, “Women are doing better. So? And the problem is … what?” It is not a zero sum game. It’s not even a story. But the media tries to report this data in a negative light in order to sensationalize it.

2. Privilege is invisible to those who have it. Black women wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and see black women, white women wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and see women, white men wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and see human beings.

3. Feminists feminize poverty instead of masculinizing wealth. Instead of framing wage inequality as 77 cents to a man’s dollar, maybe we should frame it as men getting $1.30 to a woman’s dollar just for having a Y chromosome. Men aren’t losing anything when women gain, the advantages they enjoy by virtue of being men were never warranted to begin with.

4. In every culture outside of the United States, adult men organize and supervise male initiation rituals. On college campuses in the United States, nineteen year-olds teach eighteen year-olds how to be men without supervision, while the male authority figures on campus try to stay as uninformed as possible to maintain plausible deniability.

5. The motto of “Guyland” is “bros before hos,” and this slogan could be seen on Obama posters during the 2008 presidential campaign.

6. When incoming UCLA freshman were asked, “How likely would you be to commit rape if you could be certain you’d get away with it?” 16-20% said “somewhat” or “very.” When this same group was asked, “How likely would you be to force a woman to have sex with you if you could be certain you’d get away with it?” 36-44% said “somewhat” or “very.” In other words, a third to half of all incoming male UCLA freshman would rape a female classmate if they knew they could get away with it.

7. Maybe this is why, according to the National Institute of Justice, 20-25% of all college women are victims of attempted sexual assault (even though only 5% report it).

8. The more homoerotic the sport, the more homophobic and exploitative it is of women. Football, which involves men in tight pants tackling each other, uses scantily-clad cheerleaders to distract from the excitement of the guy-on-guy action.

9. Apparently there is an “oral sex epidemic” in the United States. Yet in the past 30 years there has been no appreciable increase in cunnilingus, while fellatio has gone through the roof. Framing the data as an epidemic of oral sex among teenagers misses the gender inequality. It is not an epidemic of oral sex, it is an epidemic of girls servicing boys.

10. Nationally recognized sororities are not allowed to serve alcohol, while nationally recognized fraternities are. Thus the fraternities hold the power to provide female college students with a social life. If the girls are compliant with the fraternities’ norms (i.e. - physical attractiveness, sexual willingness), they have access to a social life, if not, they’re excluded.

Kimmel explained that guy culture is often terrible for men as well as women. Men are constantly policing each other to act like men (“no homo” is the popular term these days), and men are desperate for a better way to relate to each other and to women that would preserve their biological humanity.

"Men are the single beneficiaries of the biggest affirmative action program in the history of the..."

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 06:24:23 -0400

“Men are the single beneficiaries of the biggest affirmative action program in the history of the world. It’s called, ‘the history of the world.’”

- Dr. Michael Kimmel, Author and Sociologist

Husband Confronts Abortion Clinic Protestors After They Yell at His Wife for Getting a Necessary Surgery

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 17:01:07 -0400

Husband Confronts Abortion Clinic Protestors After They Yell at His Wife for Getting a Necessary Surgery :

People that truly care about children know that minutes wasted protesting an abortion clinic are minutes that could be used to help the millions of children in the world that lack healthcare and education. These protestors don’t care about children, or women, or the true responsibilities of their faith.

Thank you, Mattel, for making us all feel so good about...

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 00:07:44 -0400

Thank you, Mattel, for making us all feel so good about ourselves.

Women Are Taking Over?! Not So Fast...

Tue, 13 Jul 2010 02:02:00 -0400

Photo by uncorneredmarket.com

I don’t read articles about the “progress” women are making and get excited. I read them and feel discouraged that things are not moving faster. I read them and think, if this topic is still newsworthy it’s too early to celebrate. When reading Newsweek’s, “Women Will Rule the World,” I didn’t take it at face value. I read between the lines and did some research.

Here are a few points of clarification:

“American women are responsible for 83 percent of all consumer purchases.”

According to she-conomy.com, 91% of women say that advertisers don’t understand them.

“Of the 15 job categories expected to grow the most in the next decade, all but two are filled primarily by women.”

The two that aren’t, which Newsweek fails to mention, are janitor and computer engineer, and there might be more growth in computer engineering in the next decade than in all other 14 fields combined.

“The debate over women in the workforce is still fresh and exciting in the developing world.”

That there is a debate over women in the workforce at all is problematic. Not only should women be allowed to work, they should also be making as much money as men.

This is the most informative paragraph of the article:

It’s clear that challenges remain—not just at home, but around the world. Women in the U.S. may be working more, and in greater numbers, but women are still just 3 percent of Fortune 500 CEOs, and make 77 cents on the dollar. Even as women rise in power, gender discrimination is still prevalent in the developing world, with more than a quarter of men and women in Brazil, India, China, and the UAE saying they believe that women are treated unfairly at work. (In India, the figure is 45 percent.) There are also cultural constraints that limit women’s upward mobility: in China and Russia, for example, extreme jobs (requiring 71 and 73 hours of work a week, respectively) are a challenge to everyday life, especially child rearing. Societal disapproval of women traveling alone often caps female careers—as higher-level positions require more frequent travel—and in many countries, like India and Brazil, women simply feel unsafe getting to and from work.

As the friend who sent me this article said, “Women rule the world because we are willing to do crappy jobs at low wages.”

By the way, this Newsweek article largely ~~plagiarizes~~ summarizes Hanna Rosin’s article, “The End of Men” in The Atlantic. Rosin’s article is part of “The Ideas Issue,” featuring the biggest intellectual trends of the year as reported by some of the most prominent journalists of our time. Only three out of the 15 journalists that were selected for the issue are women.

The Type of Anti-Rape Ad We Need in the States

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 01:03:00 -0400

The Type of Anti-Rape Ad We Need in the States:

In our rape culture it is not on men not to rape, it is on women not to let themselves get raped.

"I didn’t know this at the time, but you needed to be too cool for school. I was being grateful..."

Fri, 02 Jul 2010 16:04:00 -0400

“I didn’t know this at the time, but you needed to be too cool for school. I was being grateful and thankful….With a woman it comes off as ‘needy, crazy, insecure.’”

- Adrianne Frost, former Daily Show correspondent, on working in late night comedy

My Interview with Jay Kallio

Thu, 01 Jul 2010 13:11:29 -0400

I tracked down Jay Kallio, who left the now famous “Go live as a man for one week” comment on Nancy Bauer’s “Lady Power” piece in The New York Times, and spoke to him about being a transgender man in our society. As a former woman who presents as a man, Jay has rare insights into what life is like on the other side.

Listen to my interview with Jay Kallio

The Anti-Rape Condom

Wed, 23 Jun 2010 12:46:00 -0400

The Anti-Rape Condom:

"Go Live as a Man for One Week."

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 15:23:00 -0400

Nancy Bauer wrote a piece for the New York Times Opinionator section this week called “Lady Power,” in which she argues that the state of feminism today is embodied by Lady Gaga.

The comments were more interesting than the piece itself, and touched on artifice, morality and hook up culture. One in particular by a Transgender man (he was born a woman and became a man) really got me thinking about the difference between men’s and women’s experiences in our society.

This is his comment:

“As a Transgender man I have one recommendation to every woman who believes she is somehow ‘empowering’ herself by getting on her knees to service a man: Go live as a man for one week. See how radically different it feels to really be respected and empowered in this society.

I lived as a woman for 50 years, and was a real feminist. Then I transitioned to living as a man, and I was shocked at how different it felt on an every day basis, to be accorded the regard and deference that men are automatically given as their due in this world.

The first thing I noticed was how people moved out of my way when I walked down the street. That became my metaphor for how much easier it became to move through my world. Then it became stunningly clear that people no longer interrupted me when I spoke - they listened with a new interest and regard, and started taking my ideas seriously for the first time in my life (and I have an IQ of 160, so I was never a slouch in the idea department).

I found that I no longer had to earn and re-earn respect in every situation in my life, I was given authority and power to move decisions and change the course of events, automatically, and without having to prove myself again and again. Society seemed to constantly feed me positive energy and esteem. That powerful current of high regard bolstered me, fed me confidence and self satisfaction in a way I had never before experienced as a woman.

Gone were all the slights, interferences, being ignored, and challenges that seemed, by comparison, to diminish and drain my energy as a woman, not support it. Women get elbowed out of power all the time, and it becomes “normal” to be less than.

Power feels like having authority, having rights, being listened to, and treated with true respect. It doesn’t feel like servicing a demanding man in return for a moment of attention and acceptance. The difference is unmistakable. Until you feel it in your guts, in your stance in the world, and see it in the eyes of those who are looking up to you, you won’t know what real power feels like. Women are treated like chattel for the most part.

A moment of fleeting sexual attractiveness in a young woman like Lady Gaga, who is catering to her own sexual objectification, is a pathetic facsimile of power, a sheer self delusion that she will be granted a moment of attention before being discarded for the novelty of the next young sexual object. Look that bit of wishful thinking right in the eye, and see it for what it really is. No man respects you for it, he only uses you. When you no longer look cute and hot, where will you be? Some other new hot, cute girl will be on her knees in front of him, taking your place.

Real power is what you develop on the inside; it’s character, inner strength, tenacity, and courage. Confusing getting sexual attention with getting power is a flimsy fantasy that shatters at the slightest sideways glance. Confusing a childish delusion with feminism is dangerous thin ice.”

Father's Day Tweets from Feminists

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 00:24:00 -0400

Photo by Dead Homer Society

@DCdebbie Happy Father’s Day— especially to all the gay dads who had to fight hard for their children and for acceptance. #lgbt

@KushielsMoon RT @Mama_JuJuBee Hubby just woke up. I said “Happy Father’s day” & handed him the baby. That’s a good gift,right? | LOL perfect gift!

@estystein Interesting how each holiday brings up different conversations about gender norms and expectations in the USA.

@NurtureGirl Dear fathers… happy father’s day. (I am blessed - I have two dads to enjoy today.) #gratitude

@QueenofSpain I though it only appropriate I give @aaronvesta verrrrrry nice bottle of scotch for Father’s Day. Since the kids and I drive him to drink

@IAmDrTiller Happy Father’s Day, especially to all who helped raise feminists, whether they meant to or not

@womanistmusings Happy fathers day to all the wonderful dads out there. May your day be wonderful peaceful and full of love

The evolution of Disney princesses, courtesy of contexts.org....

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 14:47:00 -0400

The evolution of Disney princesses, courtesy of contexts.org. Click on it if you can’t see it.

I knew Amy Poehler was awesome. I didn't realize she was this awesome.

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 17:47:09 -0400

I knew Amy Poehler was awesome. I didn't realize she was this awesome.

Three Ways Women Hurt Other Women and Three Ways to Stop It

Wed, 16 Jun 2010 00:37:00 -0400

At 92Y Tribeca the other day, I heard Susan Shapiro Barash, author of Tripping the Prom Queen: The Truth About Women and Rivalry, talk about the ways in which women hold each other down instead of raising each other up. Following are three:

1. The “Not Enough Pie Syndrome”

Women seem to be under the impression that there are a finite amount of good things that can happen to us, so if a good thing happens to one of us there’s less pie left for the rest of us. An example of this is the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte finds out that Miranda is pregnant and cries, “That should be my baby!” This idea of “limited goods” or “magical theft” makes us feel like something is being taken away from us just because it’s happening to someone else.

The flip side of this theory, I imagine, is that if something bad happens to someone else we’re relieved because that means it’s less likely to happen to us.

Solution: Introspection. The more we define and focus on our own goals the less we focus on what other women have that we don’t.

2. Competition vs. Support

We constantly compare ourselves to each other in superficial, usually physical ways. We are hyperaware of who is thinner, younger and holding up better. Gossip mags pit actresses against each other with the caption, “Who wore it better?” Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston are often compared on the basis of weight, hair and net worth. Can you imagine a men’s magazine doing this to male celebrities?

As an aside, I find that men are more likely to share the wealth with other men. They’ll tip each other off to business opportunities, take slights less personally and try to help each other out when possible. And more shared wealth means more wealth, period.

Solution: Mentoring younger women, even if we weren’t mentored ourselves. Pushing, not just for ourselves, but for the whole lot of us to make more money, to excel in our fields, to have it all.

3. The Intolerance of Aging

We don’t see too many older-looking women around. There is so much pressure to look as young as possible for as long as possible that we don’t see women in their 40’s with wrinkles or women in their 50’s with grey hair. The more we fight the aging process the more we buy into the notion that it isn’t ok for women to age.

Solution: Being honest about what we look like. Perhaps we should stop dyeing our hair or, at the very least, not disparage a woman with grey hair and no makeup for looking her natural age.

Another thing that Shapiro Barash said that really stuck with me is that we should stop expecting so much from our friends. Men don’t hold each other accountable to the standards by which we hold each other accountable. If we stop expecting so much from our friends it won’t take anything positive away from our friendships, it will just allow us to give and receive pure support.