First World Feminism

"When someone writes from their experience, there is often someone else, at the ready, pointing a..."

Wed, 16 May 2012 15:42:04 -0400

“When someone writes from their experience, there is often someone else, at the ready, pointing a trembling finger, accusing that writer of having various kinds of privilege. How dare someone speak to a personal experience without accounting for every possible configuration of privilege or the lack thereof? We lose sight of this but we would live in a world of silence if the only people who were allowed to write or speak from experience or about difference were those absolutely without privilege.”

- Roxane Gay for The Rumpus

On Motherhood

Sun, 13 May 2012 18:56:00 -0400

On Motherhood

Five More Blogs that Reviewed My Novel

Thu, 10 May 2012 13:48:00 -0400

Books Are My Boyfriends

PASS it on OVER!

The Self-Discovery Files Loves BOOKS: Part 3!

Booking Mama Review: These Days Are Ours

Twenty Two and Talking Trends: These Days Are Ours - A Book Review

Google Doodles Still Erasing Women's History

Wed, 09 May 2012 13:02:00 -0400

Google Doodles Still Erasing Women's History:

Of 48 global Google Doodles honoring birthdays in 2012, 5 have honored women. My birthday is on Friday and, thought I’d very much like a Doodle, I’d also be happy to have Google honor Amelia Earhart (born July 24, 1897), a record setting aviator, Marie Curie (November 7, 1867), a dual Nobel Prize winner and pioneering researcher on radioactivity, or Madam C. J. Walker (December 23, 1867), a hair care entrepreneur, philanthropist, and the first female African American millionaire. There is still ample time in 2012 to honor all of these women. Get on it Google.

New York Engaged Couples, Get Paid $100 for 45 Minutes

Tue, 08 May 2012 17:28:00 -0400

Red Antler, a branding agency in Brooklyn, needs market research help with a startup I cofounded!

Here’s the info:

Are you an engaged couple living in the New York area? If so, Red Antler is seeking your help testing a new web-based product in the wedding space. Research will take approximately 45 minutes at our office in Dumbo, and you will receive $100 (per couple) for your time. Both of you must attend, and we can schedule at your convenience. If you’re interested, contact research@redantler.com and tell them Michelle sent you.

Today's To-Do List: Call Your Representatives about VAWA in the House

Fri, 04 May 2012 12:55:00 -0400

Today's To-Do List: Call Your Representatives about VAWA in the House:

I’m calling the five California reps right now.

Is ‘The Princess Mentality’ Undermining Career Women?

Thu, 03 May 2012 14:03:05 -0400

Is ‘The Princess Mentality’ Undermining Career Women?:

Encouraging Stats About Women in Technology

Wed, 02 May 2012 13:06:34 -0400

Encouraging Stats About Women in Technology

Photos from the Unite Against the War on Women Rally in LA

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 14:42:00 -0400

On Saturday, April 28th, 2012, women and men (lots of men) of every age and ethnicity, rallied across the country for women’s equal rights, equal opportunities and equal representation. These are photos from the Los Angeles rally.

UniteWomen.org believes that “All Americans have the right to make decisions about their own bodies, including contraception, without interference from government, big business or religious institutions.”

Awesome feminist comedians Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) and Zach Galifianakis (@galifianakisz) spoke. Sarah got more hate mail/tweets for speaking at a women’s rights rally than she has for any controversial thing she’s ever said (and if you know her humor, you know that she’s very controversial).

Me (@MichelleHaimoff) and Sarah Silverman:

Lots more pictures after the break.

This is what a feminist looks like:

A suffragette:

A next generation activist:

My favorite sign of the day, “If I wanted the government in my womb, I’d fuck a senator”:

I love that this burly guy’s shirt says, “This is what a RADICAL feminist looks like”:

“This slut votes!” (The “V” is in the shape of fallopian tubes)

Sarah Silverman takes the stage. She said things like, “People are conquered when they let themselves be divided.”

Lots of American flags because, “Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.” - Howard Zinn

If you tweet this post, please tag it with #unitewomen #waronwomen #UAWOW and tell both @NatlWOW and @SarahKSilverman that they’re doing a great job!

My List of 30 Things Every Woman Should Know by 30

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 14:41:00 -0400

My List of 30 Things Every Woman Should Know by 30

How Mothers & Daughters Can Get Along

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 21:19:00 -0400

This week the Wall Street Journal ran a piece about mothers and daughters who fight well into their adult years. Following is advice on how to improve that relationship:

Tell your mom how you do things. Explain that you will ask for her advice if you need it.
Don’t lie to your mom. It puts distance between you. And she always finds out: She has eyes in the back of her head— remember?
Mothers ask your daughter, ‘What do you need help with?’ Don’t assume you know. ‘Asking is the most important thing that the mom can do, because it gives credibility to the daughter as an adult,’ says Mikki Meyer, a marriage and family therapist.
Tell your daughter what your mother was like. Share how she treated you and how it made you feel. ‘This is very interesting for the daughter to hear,’ Dr. Meyer says.
Ask, ‘What are we are really fighting about?’ Does your daughter feel disrespected? Is Mom mad that you never call? Discuss what is really wrong.
Examine your contribution to the problem. Are you passive-aggressive? Overreacting? Passing blame? Accept responsibility. Explain your anger; don’t show it. Better yet, leave it at the door. ‘You can pick it up on the way out,’ says Lisa Brateman, a licensed clinical social worker and family therapist.
Be willing to be vulnerable. Say, ‘The tension is upsetting me. I miss you.’
Find something fun and mutually satisfying to do together instead of the negative pattern. Art? Hiking? Antiquing? Couples who try new activities together are happier. It can be true of moms and daughters, too.
Imagine a satisfying relationship. ‘You can only have it if you can picture it in some way,’ Ms. Brateman says.

A Complete Guide to Hipster Racism

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 16:25:00 -0400

A Complete Guide to Hipster Racism

Five Gender Stereotypes that Used to be the Exact Opposite

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 15:17:52 -0400

Five Gender Stereotypes that Used to be the Exact Opposite

10 Reasons Why HBO’s Girls Is Such A Good Show

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 21:25:00 -0400

HBO’s Girls is my new favorite show on TV. Here’s why:

1. The women on the show are not too attractive. If I saw these women in a bar I’d do a double take, not because they look like actors, but because they look like people I know. Granted I’m white and not much older than them, but except for model pretty Marnie (Allison Williams), these women look like actual humans. Especially Hannah (Lena Dunham). I kind of wish they all looked as real as she does.

2. They’re not distractingly stylish. It’s established early on that Jessa (Jemima Kirke) is the chic European hipster who’s going to wear dry clean only clothes and effortlessly thrown together jewelry all the time while the rest of the gang dresses like garden variety 20-somethings. The toned down fashion choices make it easier to focus on the plot and dialogue than the visuals.

3. The show doesn’t sexualize intimacy between women. The women hang out in the bathroom together, not because they’re having a threesome, but because they are comfortable with each other enough not to think much about it.

4. The way the women interact with each other has a timeless quality. It reminds me of the friendships on The Golden Girls. That show was on the air from the time I was six to the time I was thirteen years old, but somehow I found it relatable. I think older women will find Girls relatable too.

5. The women on the show are smart and speak like adults. Think about how badly women on The Bachelor, Real Housewives and Jersey Shore come across. American media desperately needs positive representations of women. Girls is a great start.

6. The women talk about money, including salaries, rent and expenses. They expect to financially support themselves.

7. The women talk about sex, including virginity, pregnancy and stds. They like having sex and seek it out.

8. The humor is not cliched. The jokes are not played out. I attribute this to the young writing staff, including Sarah Heyward, who is whip smart and really fucking funny. She writes stuff like this in her spare time.

9. Lena Dunham seems like a humble, grounded person even though she’s so young and so successful. A lot of young, successful people are douchebags. She doesn’t seem to be one of these douchebags. I think she’s going to be a really big deal and I think that’s a good thing.

10. We should all support this show because people are criticizing it for stupid reasons. One I’ve heard a few times (my novel got this criticism too) is that the characters are unrelatably affluent. Because the working class stiffs on Entourage were so relatable, right? It’s just a way to discredit a show written by a woman, starring women. I find it curious that male writers never have to defend the socio-economic choices they make for their characters.

And if you like Girls you’ll probably like my novel THESE DAYS ARE OURS, which features similarly strong, funny women trying to figure out their lives after graduation.

Rape victims say military labels them 'crazy'

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 10:12:39 -0400

Rape victims say military labels them 'crazy'

Photo

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 19:11:44 -0400

"Patriarchy is not men. Patriarchy is a system in which both women and men participate. It privileges..."

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 14:50:00 -0400

“Patriarchy is not men. Patriarchy is a system in which both women and men participate. It privileges the interests of boys and men over the bodily integrity, autonomy, and dignity of girls and women. It is subtle, insidious, and never more dangerous than when women passionately deny that they themselves are engaging in it.”

- Ashley Judd

Everyone Hates The Pretty Girl

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 18:22:00 -0400

A British woman named Samantha Brick recently wrote a personal essay titled “Why Women Hate Me for Being Beautiful” in the UK’s Daily Mail. She talks about the free stuff she gets from men who think she’s pretty (champagne, train tickets, flowers, cab fare), as well as the jealousy she incurs from women who are threatened by her (“jealous wives” befriend her, “insecure female bosses” won’t promote her, she’s never been a bridesmaid). She’s convinced that almost all of the women in her life are jealous of her and assume that, given the chance, she’d have affairs with their husbands. She writes:

Take last week, out walking the dogs a neighbour passed by in her car. I waved — she blatantly blanked me. Yet this is someone whose sons have stayed at my house, and who has been welcomed into my home on countless occasions.

I approached a mutual friend and discreetly enquired if I’d made a faux pas. It seems the only crime I’ve committed is not leaving the house with a bag over my head. She doesn’t like me, I discovered, because she views me as a threat. The friend pointed out she is shorter, heavier and older than me.

It probably comes as no surprise that commenters have eviscerated her. They’ve attacked everything from Brick’s inflated sense of self to her actual looks. But just last month Harvard Business Review discussed a study in Israel that shows that attractive women who include photos with their resumes are less likely to get hired than “plain” women or women that send their resumes with no picture. (I know, who sends a picture? I think this is more common in other countries.) The point, though, is that being pretty doesn’t help these women get hired, it works to their detriment.

Brick wrote this after the hubbub surrounding her initial article and it really stuck with me:

If Brad Pitt were to say: ‘Yes, I’m a good-looking fella,’ then the world would nod sagely in agreement. But if Angelina Jolie uttered something along those lines, she’d be subject to the same foaming-at-the-mouth onslaught hurled at me yesterday.

I think she’s right. I think if a man wrote this instead of a woman, it would have come across as an observation about our society rather than the whining of the arrogant. I did a mental exercise where I reread her original piece switching all the pronouns in my head, and I have to say, she doesn’t really say anything that objectionable. If anything, the imagined guy writing this sounds a little shallow (I changed the pronouns for you):

(Here’s a visual aid. Pretend this is the dude talking.)

In my early 20s, when I first started in television as a researcher, one male boss in his late 30s would regularly invite me over for dinner after a long day in the office.

I always accepted his invitation, as during office hours we got along famously. But one evening his partner was at home. We were all a couple of glasses of wine into the evening. Then she and I said we both liked the song we were listening to.

He laid into his bewildered partner for ‘fancying’ me, then turned on me, calling me unrepeatable names before ridiculing my hair and clothes. I declined any further invitations.

The guy doesn’t seem like that much of a villain, right?

Maybe Brick’s issue is that she’s as focused on her looks as everyone else is. I know a handful of unreasonably attractive people, male and female. They have friends and make gains in their careers and get to be in wedding parties because being attractive is just one thing about them. The other things about them are more relatable - they have financial woes, complicated personal relationship, odd talents - in other words, they’re real, empathetic, self-deprecating people. Maybe Brick is like this in real life too, but it doesn’t really come across.

Regardless of what Brick’s personality is like, my takeaway is that, whether we women are aware of it or not, we compete for the approval of men. We do this because we’re instructed to by people/brands/companies that benefit from convincing us that their product will get us a step closer to that approval. When interacting with super attractive women, we need to remember that their attractiveness is not a way of putting us down, it just feels that way because it touches on all of the negative messages we receive about not being pretty enough. It’s something we need to get over, especially in the professional realm, where a gain for any of us is a gain for all of us.

"Perhaps someone should start a Slow Sex movement along the lines of the Slow Food movement to..."

Mon, 02 Apr 2012 17:21:07 -0400

“Perhaps someone should start a Slow Sex movement along the lines of the Slow Food movement to encourage sustainable, local, and caring relationships. Young people will never know the joys of a good meal if all they ever get is McDonald’s. How sad it would be if they don’t get to experience the real joy of sex instead of just the fast food equivalent.”

- Elizabeth Fuller

From Positivity Kinda makes you think about how joy depleting...

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 15:13:11 -0400

From Positivity

Kinda makes you think about how joy depleting that Who Wore It Best? trend is.